Erin Each week it is the same routine. My youngest and I venture to the allergist. We wait patiently among adults on cold chairs in a bright room. Names are called one by one for a quick in and out followed by a twenty minute sit. She does not like her allergy shots, but she is a big girl. She is the only child there. No one really enjoys shots to arm or anywhere. Everyone has to endure the same process and pain. Everyone has to spend their time waiting. Everyone is equal in this show. However, mine is the only one with a sucker and a sticker.
This morning my daughter asked me a question that brought a lightbulb moment on. As she took her two shots like a champ, she rummaged through the giant bucket of stickers displaying princesses, marvel, and paw patrol covered by the smell of dum dum suckers. Her friend who happens to be an adult, passes by her after receiving her double dose as well. My daughter yells, “Hey, you didn’t grab your sucker!” Turning with a giggle, her friend says, “I’m a grownup. We don’t get treats.” With the most confused and bewildered look, my daughter hands her the sucker she so thoughtfully took forever to choose.
As we drove to school to get her day started, my daughter asked me why the adults do not get to pick suckers and stickers. I truly did not have an answer. I did not even have a “Mom” answer. You know the type….. the bullshit answer parents give when we seriously just need to pacify our children. This moment, as brief as it was, made me think…….. yes, being an adult is hard. Yes, being an adult is different than being a child, but does it really fall into the realm of the reward system. What does this example say to my child.
I know it may seem that I am reading a lot into this, but really think on this for a moment. The only answer I could have truthfully said was,” You got a reward because you are a child. She did not because she is an adult.” In my mind, thinking one step ahead, my child could have had the thought process of,” We both suffered the same way. Only I got a reward because I am different.”
As parents, we want our children to grow seeing the world a certain way. We want them to be knowledgeable of reality, but be compassionate and wise enough to navigate through the worst of it. It is true that life is not fair. It is not acceptable though, to approve it even as situational. I do not want to teach my child that no matter what everything should be equal whether earned or not, but when the work has been done or the struggle has been overcame……. each one should get a damn sucker!
Very nice