Erin As parents, we want our children to grow to be successful and independent human beings. We want them to be skilled and confident. We want them to be ready for any obstacle life may throw at them. Unfortunately, we have a dilemma. When are we coddling and when are we neglecting? I have three children (13, 8, 5). Each of my children have different levels of responsibilities. I expect that after so many years of trying to teach independence, they would have reached their own individual level of competence in self sufficiency. I am wrong.
Granted two of my children are on the spectrum. However, I have adjusted to their own capabilities. That being said, the lack of control or self help is a constant worry in the back of my mind. How do I know if I am coddling or narrating their day too much? If I leave the decision or responsibility to them, am I being neglectful? Learning the basics of life (hygiene, cooking, laundry, chores, priorities) are all practiced daily in our household. These tasks come with challenges as I constantly have to hover and dictate my children’s steps.
With children with special needs, routine is key. That being said, this is our best practice. Everyday is the same as far as checklists, bedtimes, activities, and communication. It is discouraging though that after so many years (for instance my teen), this constant repetition seems to reap no fruit. We hope for a grand future. We hope that our children will at least move out. It is difficult thinking that my children will not have the skills in life to achieve even the smallest goals after years of hard work.
