Erin I have been both a stay at home mom and a working mom. I have been bored all day, and I have never sat all day. Both types of moms get bad reps. Recent months have shown opinions both online and in person how people feel even more so about a mother’s choices. In the military community, it is very common to be a stay at home mom due to frequent moving, long waitlists for on post childcare, grant opportunities for returning to college rather than the workforce, and unknown hours of availability.
These facts are known yet consistently judged by the same spouses especially on social media. If your spouse is a service member (soldier) and you do not work you are a “dependa,” if you do work you can still be a “dependa” but also just a spouse. If you do not work, but you are a bitch you are a “dependapotamus.” It is ridiculous the titles given out with no clear definition or category. These titles are meant to label, and possibly guilt the person into changing or just accepting the verbal abuse because of their choices.
Some go to work, some attend college, some volunteer, and some just survive and keep the kids alive. Whether civilian life or military life the judgement exists, but have you ever seen a military spouse facebook page? These things are ruthless. My previous writing says the perfect solution…….. stop giving a damn what people think. However, my heart goes out to the young.
Many believe that marrying a soldier is a pleasantville life. You automatically have a house, insurance, income, and think you will be rich. Only some of this is true, not all. Joining the military at eighteen, immediately searching for a quick wife to move from the barracks, and start having babies for the raise is a gameplan for many. What about those quick wives though? I moved out when I was seventeen. I had already been accustomed to cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a home due to my upbringing, but times have changed.
These young girls and guys becoming spouses are immediately having to become the perfect moms or Mr. Moms to avoid the overwhelming judgement from the online world. Strangers constantly being stacked and squished together in on post housing give your nosy neighbors the perfect opportunity to take pictures, post complaints, and find any reason to say you are not doing enough or you are not doing it right. You work too much or you should work because you are always home. What are you contributing to your family because somehow money is the only acceptable contribution?
To look through my window at all these homes in a row, makes me wonder, is anyone else having a questionable day? Are you questioning your motherhood? Are you questioning your contribution? If you are….. STOP! I volunteer. I blog. Nothing I do makes me millions. I know my contribution is not monetary, but it is extensive. I just want to reach out and shake some spouses and say, “You contribute! You are doing great! Just because you do not the same way another mom does, does not make your contribution less.”
Not everyday is the same either. I guess to explain the title i should say something about my day. Usually every mom has a tactic or trick to get their children to eat certain vegetables. Fry them, drown them in butter, or caramelize them. I chop them up super small. Today is a rough one for this mom. All moms have more rough days than easy because we try so hard. We set high expectations for our day, and today I am not meeting mine. Today I did not cut the onions small enough and I know that when my children eat my roast this evening…….. there will be fur a flyin!
