Erin Before having a huge family, I enjoyed going out. I went to concerts, clubs, shows, plays, cookouts, bonfires, roller derby, and much more. I had a lot of “friends” only to discover they were merely drinking buddies. I could not stand to be cooped up in my house. I loved bartending for that reason as well. Everyday I showered, spent countless time on my hair and makeup, and wore outfits that would make a streetwalker blush. I met so many people. Over the years, I saw myself changing so much, and this pandemic from beginning to now has really proved that.
Once we joined the military (and yes I say we because WE made the decision, so shut up Karen), I still met some people, volunteered, and went to cookouts mostly with just my husband’s soldiers. Over time though, the amount of “doing things” outside of activities for our kids dwindled away. Besides, he has been deployed so much, it is tough doing a million things or constantly entertaining three kids alone (especially special needs kiddos).
Some people (who will remain nameless), say I do not do enough with my kids because we are not having some expensive and grand adventure every weekend (not that those people do it either). The fact that my kids are content hanging with their many friends (my kids have a way better social life than I), and I love reading or ear binging on podcasts on the weekend is made to be taboo!
Then there came a pandemic! Now it was perfectly acceptable to keep your kids locked in the house and completely avoid all those “stimulating” activities that I was “required” to do as a parent. I will admit though, I did enjoy not being asked to go to a cookout or lady’s function. The fact that I did not have to go to a million class meetings or three open houses for my kid’s schools felt like a dream come true. I almost got to skip the whole trick or treating mind-fuck-fest, until my kids grabbed their masks and gave me the biggest puppy dog eyes! Honestly, other than having a massive grocery bill (even while he was deployed), and having to put up with my kids fighting twenty- four seven, it would have been this introvert’s paradise!
What made it bearable, was that eventually we all knew it would come to an end. Life would someday go back to normal, and we would perhaps enjoy the things we once did not enjoy or took for granted. Scout meetings, school functions, church, grocery shopping, and many more things would become excitable because we were just thankful to leave the house! Slowly, we have started to do these things, but I just cannot believe watching the news that it will be permanent.
I usually do not discuss politics, unless with my closest friends, because I do not believe in arguing. I believe it solves nothing, and when I speak my mind, I do not do it to sway others. However, the news lately has made it very difficult to stay quiet. As a military spouse, we know that nothing is permanent. We train ourselves to adapt and overcome, because at any moment we will either be moving or our spouse will be leaving. As a spouse with anxiety, it is an even greater hurdle to jump! We find things in our life that we are able to control (anything at all) and cling tight to the fact that we can prepare for whatever is coming. This pandemic has proved otherwise.
Maybe my kids will be in school next week. Maybe my kids will be home. Maybe we will scouts, or maybe not. Maybe I can finally find Lysol wipes this week. Maybe church will be cancelled. Can’t plan a vacation, because it will most likely be closed by then. My children asked how long we were going to have to wear masks, and I had to tell them I had no clue. There are so many other factors and problerms running through my mind, but if I typed them all, I’d have my first book!
I wanna know what you are most anxious about. Tell me how this pandemic has changed your view on everyday life. Tell me I am not alone in being overwhelmed by the constant “not knowing.” What kind of a world is being left for our children to grow in when this is type (among many other horrific things) of daily news we face today?
