Erin Why do people love TV so much? For the constant educators, there are documentaries. For the dreamer chefs, there are cooking shows. For the lovers of dance, there are musicals. For the thrill junkies, there are horrors or scifi. For the moms…… there are sitcoms! Hear me out.
When I was a teenager, the last thing I wanted to be was a mom. I watched shows like The Wonder Years, the Dick Van Dyke show, and Growing Pains. I knew just by seeing those mothers, that I would suck at this job! I knew I did not have the patience, the class, the stamina, or the bedside manner to raise halfway decent children. When I thought of myself as a mother, I pictured Jason Voorhes’ mother. Obviously, I did not think I was cut out for the title. My mother was a horror story. She told me many stories of her mother, which was hardly better. I knew I would probably continue the legacy of shit motherhood if I dared curse this world with my own spawn.
When I became a teenage bride, my whole mindset changed. I wanted children, but only because my other half at the time wanted them. I still feared everyday that I would be giving this world a blister on the ass of society. I felt as though I screwed up my life enough to be in my current situation, that I could not imagine screwing up a child’s life. Well, after a few miscarriages (which I was sure God was cursing me to prove I should not be a mommy), I successfully gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. God pulled another one on me by slapping me with the worst case of postpartum depression you could imagine. That was not a fun ride!
With time, I rose from it. I eventually met my now husband. I had two more beautiful babies. I still feared becoming my mother everyday. Everyday I felt like I was a horrible mother, that was, until I found Roseanne. You may laugh, but seriously, she was my perfect balance. I had caught a couple episodes as a child, but I had always been told that show was vulgar or inappropriate (considering my mother was a fanatic for religion). As an adult, I could watch whatever I wanted! So I watched Roseanne. I watched a foul mouthed, hard working, faithful, mother of three show love in some of the weirdest ways. I saw her happy and sad. I saw her depressed and appreciative. I saw her drunk and sober! I saw this woman (like me) who may not have been living the life she dreamed of, but she was happy. As much as her children resisted, she taught them values and how to be kind and loving. Her husband loved her despite any shortcomings on either side. I saw what a family should be.
She was the original hot mess mom to me. She faced many obstacles in each episode, but she overcame them. I felt myself struggling everyday. I felt like a constant failure to my children and my husband. I was putting my expectations as high as I could on what I should have been as a mother, so much in fact, I never saw my accomplishments. I never had confidence in what I was achieving, because all I could see were my downfalls. I did not have to be June Cleaver. I did not have to be any other mother other than myself. Roseanne taught me that so long as you show love, and live by example, you will not little assholes or serial killers. She gave me confidence that I could make these tiny humans into good adults just by being myself with them.
Everyday when my children kiss me and tell me they love me, I know I am not a complete and utter failure. I am not sure what inspired me to write this today. Maybe it was wondering what vegetable to cook tonight. Maybe it was choosing a frozen meal over a scratch meal. Maybe it was just realizing I had not put on deodorant yet, and was about to pick my kids up from school looking like a dumpster fire fueled by too much coffee. That’s the great thing about writing. If it is on my mind, it is on my laptop. In the midst of the daily chaos as shown in this week’s episode of my psycho family, I had a moment of calm because I thought……. What would Roseanne do?
