Erin As moms, we are constantly moving. We are cleaning, cooking, switching the washer and dryer, grabbing kids off couches when they decide to be daredevils, picking up a million legos because our feet can’t take anymore, or chasing the dog outside because he is making that “I’m about to fuck your carpet up” sound. It is not too often that we have a few minutes to just sit and breathe. And at best, you sit and your kid wants to hang all over you! Sometimes you just need those ten minutes.
So I was a smoker. I started smoking when I was fifteen years old! I don’t recommend it. Anywho, for over eighteen years I would always have an excuse to just sit outside and chill for about ten minutes several times each day. Smoking was my reward for completing a task or checking something off my to do list. When I ventured outside to suck on my toxic stick (that could be a penis nickname ha ha), I had accomplished something! It felt amazing, especially on a pretty day, to just sit in my lawnchair on my patio, and watch the world go by. Upside was, when my children knew I was going out front, they could not join. That was my time. I could even tell my father or husband,” Watch the kids I’m going out for a smoke!”
As of October 6th, 2020, I officially quit cigarettes! This was an accomplishment for me even though I began vaping. All my kids ever asked me to do was to quit smoking! It broke my heart. I quit to show them that if I did not want them to do it, I could not continue. There is also that whole death thing, but did it mostly for my kids. Downside is, I can vape indoors! No longer do I have my excuse of sitting and enjoying my cancer stick! Now mentally I know I can PHYSICALLY sit anytime I want to, however, my anxiety says, “There is no reason to sit! You can clean AND vape!”
My anxiety is pretty rough in the fact that I never feel I have accomplished anything until EVERYTHING in my planner is done. I do not give myself breaks. I do not allow myself to relax or breathe. I do not stop, and everyday I feel it more and more. I know this is my own fault, but if you have anxiety or know someone who does, but it is crippling! Why did it something so toxic that I had to distance myself from my children, just to sit for ten damn minutes? Why was I okay with the breaks before, but now I can’t imagine stopping? To be one hundred percent forward, the only time I sit now is when I am folding laundry ughhh!
I want to know how you deal with your anxiety. That was pretty broad. Maybe I should ask, how do you give yourself a non toxic or toxic break? Do you actually get your ten minutes or do you dream of it? If you do take your ten minutes, how do you deal with your minions? Lock them in a closet or duck tape them to a wall? (Just kidding don’t freak out Karen!) Comment below. Until other people start joining in, I am just the crazy lady talking to myself. Hope that makes YOU feel normal!
